No matter how hard we try, Utah will always look more absurd than we do.
That state’s creative relationship with alcohol never ceases to amaze. Starting in mid-May, all restaurants and bars that serve alcohol must conspicuously display a sign indicating that either: “This premise is licensed as a bar not a restaurant” or “This premise is licensed as a restaurant not a bar.”
Hey, if you’re reading my column in print, please know: “You are reading a newspaper not a website.” And if you are reading this column on your phone, “You are reading a website not a newspaper.”
The ad warned that, “Utah recently passed a law making it the first state to lower its drunk driving arrest threshold from .08 BAC to .05 BAC. If you’re planning to visit Utah for vacation, be aware: As little as one drink with dinner before driving home could possibly land you in jail.”
Wait, does a buzz even exist in the Beehive State? Doesn’t Utah serve 3.2 beer? That means you can ram, like, five of those, right? Oh, hold on. That can’t be right. Uhhh. I can see it now: Confused beer geeks trying to do blood-alcohol-content math on bar napkins.
(Actually, you can buy normal beer that’s over 3.2 at places licensed to sell liquor.)